Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
