That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
