im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
