I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I need moral support for this bender
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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