you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
