that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just forgot I was standing up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
