In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We just shotgunned beers for America
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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