Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
