fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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