i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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