the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
