Betty ford says i'm here all night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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