I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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