Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
