isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
