You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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