We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
