Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
