my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
