i wish starbucks made bloody marys
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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