i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
