She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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