this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
birth control should be required to get into college
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
