His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
