apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
