Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
