hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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