I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
