Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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