Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
