this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
