Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
sex in a hospital.. check
Randomize
