just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
