Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i dont even know how to be here
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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