I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
