i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
