3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
