I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
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