Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i now understand why vodka
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
