I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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