Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I cut my penus on the lid.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
