i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
