I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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