She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
