Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
