I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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