I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
