new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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