I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
