Is it because I queefed?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
